what the hell is this about?

Several friends have embarked on their own P365 journey but as I have no camera nor an eye for photography I've decided to try to complete "a doodle a day" for an entire year. Most will be in my little Derwent A5 sketch book but some could end up being from the corner of some document or scribbled on a newspaper. As the year progresses I will try my hand at inking them as well?

If some of them don't make sense, don't worry, they're probably not meant to. You may notice there will be certain themes along the way and if you know me you'll know why.

I hope you enjoy.

Okay, here goes, every day til I'm 39.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Day #269 - Benny Velasquez


Benny was always on the large side of things, he was a 14lb baby, a record in his family and he had an insatiable hunger, the more he ate the bigger he got. When he started high school he still had baby fat as he'd not really grown too tall, he was 140cm tall at age 12 and 93kg. The other kids called him some awful nicknames, the one that hurt the most was 'no knuckles' on account of his inverted knuckles, his hands were very large and he had a lot of baby fat on them. This name calling obviously made Benny extremely self conscious and in an act of self defence he just went silent. For his entire high school life Benny barely said a word, instead he just became a wallflower and observed. He catalogued (in his mind) what people liked and what they wanted and just like every other boy in his school Benny just wanted a girlfriend but by the time he had hit 16 he was 195cm tall and about 140kg, he would have crushed any little girl with his embrace. So he remained alone, and silent.
Benny's one goal was to lose his virginity and he knew that he had to change the ratio, at high school it was 50-50 but he needed to be almost the only guy with a class full of girls to stand a chance, the law of averages (which he knew well) would err in his favour sooner or later. Benny being the straight A student that he was could have chosen any of the marquee scholarships, Law, Medicine etc but Benny knew that would just be full of rich kids and Asians and the ratio would be even lower. So as a result Benny chose the one field that he knew the ratio would be heaviest in his favour. Marketing. Benny chose the Nebraska State University to further his studies, he obtained a full scholarship and had a room on campus with a young chemistry major.
His years of soaking in what people liked made Benny a natural in his chosen field, he caught the eye of his lecturer a Ms Jacinta Brown, she'd once worked for Pear Computers back when they introduced the virtual palmtop range, it was difficult to market a computing solution that involved the insertion of a nano tech full PC into the user's palm. She managed to do it though, she successfully marketed something that you couldn't even see! She had a pedigree in the industry and was the only person Benny admired.
3 semesters into his University degree Benny lost his virginity, he'd just submitted his latest assessment and Jacinta asked to see him in her chambers to discuss it, when he arrived she seduced him and 78 seconds later Benny had lost his virginity. He may have been a marketing genius but he was the proverbial time bomb waiting to explode, which is exactly what he did 3 thrusts in.
Embarrassed as hell he returned to his dorm, only to find his room mate working on a little chemistry experiment, he'd obviously figured Benny would be out for some time and was a little startled to see him return so early. Andrew was Benny's only friend, ever, so after he stopped crying he spilled the beans to Andrew about what had happened. Andrew shared a little secret of his own with Benny. He'd been working on a way of heightening the droll government issued cocaine and he'd had a major breakthrough. Together they shared a gram and it supplied the greatest high that either of them had ever experienced. Benny immediately kicked into marketing mode again (by Marketing I mean another avenue to sleep with women) he'd realised that if they sold it to other students they could easily produce more and would shortly own the University party scene, he'd definitely have a better chance with the ladies if they were intoxicated.
The hardest trick would be to get Andrew to make him 50-50 partner with Benny not actually doing any work. Andrew bought it and they went into mass production.
The business grew at phenomenal rate and they expanded operations coast to coast, but when Benny was separated from Andre (his new pseudonym) he couldn't trust Andre to remain in control and soon found that Andre had been killed in a confrontation with the law. Benny's amazing brain knew instantly that they'd be after him next if they weren't already so he walked away, he fled to his 3rd cousin Jesus' flat just outside of Vegas and with $250M in cash, Benny would lay low and when the heat eased would flee to what was left of Mexico.
Benny didn't even make it to the border, Jesus decapitated him whilst he was sleeping and kept the cash for himself, he would fulfil his dream of building the world's largest bowling alley, 525 lanes!

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